2007/05/14
i find a cool website.
today i find a cool website in u.s.a. and the url is http://www.girlguides.ca/default.asp?id=1111
Do You Have a Good Memory?
Do You Have a Good Memory? Wife: Do you have a good memory for faces? Husband: Yes----why? Wife: I just broke your shaving mirror.
Big Surprise
Visitor: Is this a healthy place to live in? Local yokel:Yes, sir. When I arrived here, I couldn't walk or eat solid food. Visitor: What was the matter with you? Local yokel:Nothing---I was born here.
A Careless Barber
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.
Grandson
A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant: "Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price." Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else." The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?" The waiter replied with ease:"Nobody. Just your grandfather."
roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
wake up
A couple stopped talking to each other after a quarrel. However, the husband was worried about to catch up a meeting early next morning, so he wrote his wife a note:"Please wake me up at 7:00am." The next morning, he was upset to wake up at 8:00. Then he saw a note at his bedside:"Wake up you stupid! It's 7:20 now."
classical dialogue
Test paper is locked in my drawer！Review your lessons carefully after going back home！
Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard. “It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?” “I am the driver.” he said.
Who was fighting?
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red? Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight. Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting? Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
lecture
lecture On a snowstorm day, a college professor drove 75 kilos to teach only to find one audience in the classroom. Then, when he finished lecturing and was ready to leave, the person that has been sitting in the audience seat stopped him:"Don't go! I'm the next lecturer scheduled for this room."
don't know
After receiving warnings from his father, a pupil was so worried that he came to school to tell his teacher:"I don't mean to frighten you but my father said somebody would surely get slapped on face if I failed the exam again."
photos
While taking photos of a bear eating fish in the forest, two journalists found the annoyed beast turned around to chase them. In running, one journalist said to the other:"Can't run any more! What should we do?" "No idea. But one of us will have his photo on the headline (tomorrow)." replied his colleague.
I just took off my clothes to prepare for a good fight
I just took off my clothes to prepare for a good fight One day, two house sparrows sat on a tree and chatted. The bigger sparrow said to the smaller sparrow:"I am so capable! Dive steeply, fly in circle, any difficult moves, you just name it!" Unconvinced and wanting to embarrass the boaster, the smaller sparrow suggested to the bigger sparrow when seeing a butcher slicing meat under the tree:"So you are capable. Why don't you then steal a piece of meat from the butcher down there?" With a smile the bigger sparrow replied:"A small case!" then dived from the tree to pick a meat piece from the butcher's table, but was caught immediately. The butcher was so angry that he pulled off feather one by one from the bigger sparrow making it to cry aloud: Help! Help! The smaller sparrow could stand no more and flied to bite the butcher on the hand. In pain, the butcher released the bigger sparrow. When returned onto the tree, the smaller sparrow mocked:"You have nothing to brag about now. You would be dead had I not come to rescue you." "No." replied the halfly stripped:"I just took off my clothes to prepare for a good fight."
Holding a baby
Holding a baby in her arms, a woman visited a gynecologist. "Is the baby * fed or is he on bottle?" asked the doctor. "* fed, of course!" replied the woman. "Take off your clothes, please." the doctor ordered. "What? ...But why?" "Don't worry. you're in a gynecology clinic and I'll just do a routine medical check for you." The woman reluctantly took off her clothes. The doctor carefully examined the woman's *s, groping his fingers around and pressing repeatedly. When finished, the doctor said to the woman:"No wonder the baby is malnourished. You have no milk at all!" The woman replied angrily:"Nonsense! Of course not. I am the baby's aunt!"
Do remember not to smoke
Do remember not to smoke
A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!" "Oh,...Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"
Why Is He Howling
Why Is He Howling
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet. Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!
Two Tickets
"My husband is so ugly that when he goes to the zoo he has to buy two tickets: one to get in and one to get out."
Does He Bite?
Reggie:We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. “Please God,” she said, “Make Naples the capital of Italy.” Her mother interrupted and said. “Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?” And Julie replied, “Because that’s what I put in my geography exam!”
Thats Why
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money." Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty. "That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!" One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?" "Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."
Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
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